Millennials, Authenticity, and Why I'm Bothered not Bitter

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It’s been four months since I have officially held the title “pastor”, and I’m having more conversations with non-Christians about faith now than I ever did in ministry.  Doesn’t say much for my qualifications as a pastor does it?  But the truth is, when I relinquished the title, I gained authenticity.  Gone are the days of putting on my fake smile and hoping nobody saw my flaws.  Gone are the days when uttering the words “me too” felt like job suicide. 

So now, instead of hoping for someone to show up on my doorstep on Sunday, I’m talking with friends about life.  I don’t intentionally try to bring God up in every conversation, but I’m finding that when you allow someone to freely express their worries, doubts, joys, and issues; faith naturally finds it’s way into the conversation.  It’s amazing what you learn when you aren’t afraid to be authentic.

But the more I talk, the more I’m noticing an alarming trend.  The problem my friends have is not with God or Jesus.  They don't even have a problem with the events that act as cornerstones for the Christian faith (what pastors, myself included, have preached and believed is the issue keeping the younger generations from having a relationship with Jesus).  Their problem is with the pastors and their churches.  But before you click off and brand me a bitter ministry castaway, let me explain.

A recent Barna study found that church attendance among Millennials (22-35 years old) is the lowest in recent history.  59% of Millennials who went to church growing up now no longer attend, and 35% believe the church does more harm than good (if you’re in ministry and that sentence doesn’t give you the cold sweats, go into the insurance business today.)

Put simply, what the church wants to be and claims to be is contradictory to what is experienced by Millennials.  They believe that their time and their money can be better spent helping out at a local non-profit or donating to a "Kickstarter" campaign rather than attending and giving to a church.

The Church has an image issue. The issue is that it is not reflecting God’s image to the world.

If you believe like I do that the local church is the hope of the world, than we must change to accurately reflect that image to those who don't attend our churches.

Rachel Held Evans in here book Searching for Sunday says this:

"So why do our churches feel more like country clubs than AA…What makes us exchange the regular pleasantries- ‘I’m fine!  How are you?’- While mingling beneath a cross upon which hangs a beaten, nearly naked man, suffering publicly upon our behalf…the truth is…we think church is for good people, not resurrected people.       (Pg. 69.)

I believe that the greatest way to attract Millennials back to the Church is to practice authenticity.  To throw off the long-held title we've received as "hypocrites", and embrace our struggles and our successes together as a community following after Christ.  But how do you do that?

Here are four strategies you can use to create an authentic, inviting, environment for Millennials.

1. Ask

When it comes to reaching Millennials, the question I have heard from so many pastors and churches is, “Why won’t the young people come to my church?”  That question traps you in a dead end that keeps the younger generation away (also, quit using the word “young people”, you’re just showing your age).  

That question is all about you and not about them.  It puts the blame on someone else’s shoulder and keeps the church from being held accountable for it’s lack of results.  Furthermore, it allows you to continue to hide out of fear that if Millennials did in fact start showing up, then your church would have to change (would that be so bad anyway).

The better question is: “What will we need to do differently to reach the younger generation?”  It takes the focus off of you, forces you to talk options not opinions, and allows you to truthfully decide if you do in fact want to be a church that attracts Millennials.  Which brings me to my next point:

2. Decide

Basic right?  You might even say, “Kyle, my church does want them to come!”  But your actions are not backing up your words.  When was the last time Millennials in your own church were asked why they come or why their neighbors don’t come? 

You might have an incredible church staff that is skilled at leading a more traditional congregation, but not know how to relate to the younger generation. 

You might have a senior minister who desperately wants to see young families sitting in his church on Sundays, but he struggles to communicate effectively with them.  It doesn’t make him a bad man, or even bad at his job, it just means he isn’t meant to reach Millennials.  There’s nothing worse than taking a person out of a job they’re really good at and putting them in a spot where they are only average.

You might have a great young worship pastor who consistently plays the latest songs from “Passion” or “Elevation”, but nothing screams inauthentic more than a twenty-something leading worship for a group of disinterested retirees.

You might have a thriving Sunday School program, but if you don't have small group leaders willing and able to join in community with Millennials, than that younger generation will fail to connect.

If you want to be a church for Millennials, than take an honest inventory of yourself, and decide if you want to make the necessary changes.  At the same time, be okay if you are not ready to be that church yet.  The important thing is be true to who you are, and honest about what you want to become.

3. Impact

Nothing hits at the heartbeat of the Millennials more than charity.  They don’t want to just hear your church is doing great things; they want to see it in action.  It’s not enough to collect a tithe and state that 10% of that is going to missions around the world (which is laughably small anyway).  They want to see that money affect the community they’re in.  

Your neighborhood should be a better place because your church is in it.  

Can I go so far as to say that there should be a noticeable dip in homelessness and poverty in your neighborhood because you are in it?  Can I say that no child should go hungry on weekends because your church works with their school?  Can I beg that no single mom should have to pay for a babysitter because your church is nearby?

You want to attract Millennials?  Show them how much you care.

4. Explain

Millennials are more secular, more liberal, more educated, and have more information available to them than ever before.  Answering hard theological questions with “because the Bible says” is no longer an acceptable response (doesn’t mean it isn’t true, it’s just not enough information).  1 out of 4 Millennials believes the local church does not teach the Bible clearly enough or often enough (Churchless, pg. 98-99).  Pastors are doing a disservice by believing we can’t handle difficult intellectual challenges.  We protect them by helping them think through the challenges (even if there isn’t a clear answer).

Dallas Willard says, “When Satan undertook to draw Eve away from God, he did not hit her with a stick, but with an idea.” (pg. 100)

Let them know it's okay to struggle, and doubt, and question.  These are all natural responses to growing and maturing in their faith.  We become inauthentic and unattractive when we pretend that we have all of the answers, and everybody else is wrong.

It’s not enough to know that you simply believe, Millennials want to know why.

One of the main reasons I started this blog was to begin to put the “why” behind my belief.  My hope and my prayer is that my words become a resource for those both inside and outside the church to help grow the Kingdom of God.  I know that some of what I said may bother, offend, or even turn you off.  Just know I’m writing out of an honest desire to see all of my friends understand that there is a God that loves them and a community of believers that wants to support them in that journey...doubts and all

Wherever you are, whatever you believe, don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions, and seek the honest answers.

Until next time…

Be honest.  Be open.  This is the Christian Safe Zone.

Daycare, Protests, and Who Gets to Heaven

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I drop my son, Carsen, off at daycare almost every morning.  Most mornings I’m too rushed to watch him in his class, but the other day I had a few extra minutes.

It’s amazing what you can learn from watching a three year old. 

Did you know that you can make a snow angel in mud and snow?  Did you know that it is impossible to have bath time without a boat? 

On this particular morning, I watched as a little boy showed me why Heaven is so important.

Carsen has had three best friends his entire life (literally, they were all in the infant room together).  Every morning, these four boys get together to embark on a new adventure.  Now what they did that morning was not very impressive to me or to them…they built a tower out of Legos.  What caught my attention was the joy they all shared in completing this task together; the importance of community in their shared adventure.

Community is at the heart of who we are.  We all desire to belong; to be a part of something bigger.  Millennials understand this better than any other generation alive today.  There has never been a more worldly cognizant generation than Millennials (thank you Twitter), and there has never been a more socially conscious generation than Millennials.  The reason there are so many more protests today is not because the world is so much worse, it’s because the largest demographic in history is unhappy with what they are apart of.  They want to stand for something.  They want their lives to matter and make an impact.  They want community.

And that’s true for whatever generation you are apart of.

So when it comes to faith, it shouldn’t surprise us that the biggest question involves community.

“How do I know if I’m going to Heaven?”

In other words, “I want to be a part of something bigger and better than my current life when I die.  I want to be a part of a community that matters.  How can I make that happen?”

Whatever you believe; Muslim, Jew, or Christian; there are only three options:

1) You’re born into it.

2)  You earn your way into it.

3)You’re given access to it.

Every faith system, every religion, boils down to one of those three options.  The downside is that every religion also claims that their option is the only right option.

So who’s right?

Around 1876 BC, a man named Abraham is introduced to the world’s stage.  Abraham is where all three major faith traditions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) come together.  One of his sons, Isaac, becomes the ancestral father of Judaism, and his other son, Ishmael, becomes the ancestral father of Islam.  Christianity comes in about 2,000 years later with a man named Jesus claiming a Jewish lineage.  But Abraham is the starting point for all three major faith traditions.  He is also where they all begin to separate, and it happened through a single prayer.

One night, Abraham was praying after God had told him that He would make a great nation through Abraham’s descendants.  Problem was, Abraham had no children.  Kinda hard to make a nation with no people, so Abraham was questioning God on this little detail.  And God tells him, “Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can.  That's how many descendants you will have!” (Genesis 15:4-5)

And then, one of the most important statements in the entire Bible comes out of nowhere.  And it was so powerful and so revolutionary that it would eventually be the statement that divided Christians from Jews, from Muslims, and even Catholics from Protestants.  And if you are ever wondering if you are going to Heaven or not, or if you can ever belong in that eternal community, then you have to understand this statement:

“Abraham believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith.” (Genesis 15:6)

Abraham was stamped as righteous, granted access to God, to heaven, to that exclusive community because of his faith in the promise of God.  It had nothing to do with what Abraham had accomplished, who Abraham’s ancestors were, or how good of a person Abraham was (in fact, he was kind of a jerk if I’m being honest.  Told some city leaders on two different occasions that his wife was his sister...because she was hot...because he wanted preferential treatment.  Seriously, no lie.  Read it here and here).

Before there were the Ten Commandments or any other divine law, Abraham was granted access to God’s community and granted a relationship because he believed. 

Trusting in God resulted in right standing with God.

The problem is everything in you and me says that a right standing with God is earned by doing right things.  Everything we learn from religion, school, athletics or work proves our thesis.

The Jews would eventually embrace a posture that says by being in Abraham’s lineage, you were guaranteed a relationship with God.  Muslims would later create a system where you could earn your way into heaven through belief, God’s messengers, and good deeds.  Christians would be divided over this from the first century through the Reformation in the 1500's.

But what if religion, the Church, your parents, has made all of this more complicated than it was supposed to be?

Be honest, would that really shock you?  The Church made things confusing!? Whaaaaaaaat!?

But really, what if the starting point for a relationship with God, and thus access to the community of heaven, is as simple as trust?

What if a single expression of trust was enough?

What if taking Him at His Word was all He wanted the whole time?  What if it was our job not to figure out how to get access to Him, but rather to learn as much as possible about the access He’s already given us?

So, until we meet again, wrestle with this question:

“On what grounds, if any, will God find me acceptable?”

1) Are you born with it?

2) Do you have to earn it?

3) You’re already given access to it?

Be honest.  Be open.  This is the Christian Safe Zone.